Dr. Absurd

Dr. Absurd is rumored to have lived about a hundred and ten years ago and disappeared without a trace.
Although there is no physical evidence left to prove his existence, there is reason to believe he did.
The rumors have it that he was especially skilled in attracting considerable amounts of attention to himself.
This virtue gave birth to many legends involving his persona.
It is claimed that although he led a confined solitary life in the beginning,it ended or seemingly ended under pretty bizarre circumstances.
Friends, he barely had, and he lost his family when he was six years old, in a horrific accident, when a lightning bolt electrified and grilled all but himself,on a hot and sunny Sunday afternoon.
All side by side positioned as they were, they were just busy posing for a family portrait when a sudden and terrifying burst of thunder and lightning brought an end to their once so happy household.
There are no official records to proof this, but legendary stories, such as Absurd’s, never end up in the history books. Absurd,the only one who survived, suffered irreparable brain damage and considerable trauma.
Mr. Welthart, believed to be the family’s neighbor, confessed to his eldest son, years later, just moments before his own death that he had been the one who had taken the tragic picture, and when he duck into the dark room to finally produce evidence of this horrible and unimaginable event, the photo turned out to be all foggy and blurry, all but…

written by NIELS ERIK TOREN illustration ELZA JO VAN RENEN

Absurd standing fierce and proud with a wide and vicious grin. Mr. Welthart, profoundly Christian, then moved out of his comfortable wooden shack the following day, and swore never to take anyones picture again, since he believed sacredly that this was the devils work, and Absurd, was his very son.
If we should believe Welthart’s story is very doubtful, indeed. Official records of Welthart, showed that he had
many psychological issues of his own, even before that unfortunate sunny Sunday afternoon occurred.
Word around the campfire is that he was a full time nudist and tales of him fornicating wild beasts circulated around at high-thee brunch parties and in the shadiest of pubs. In light of these findings, he might not be the most reliable source. We need some clear,hard evidence, goddamn it! Not this old drunken maniac gibberish. A commoner of a local and notorious pub, was said to be the best informed citizen around. He was also a professional alcoholic and took his job quite seriously. After many hours of hesitation, and gibberish about “not talkin’ round no ones back” and “hating back stabbin’ old whores getting stoned on cheap grey earl on sundays” (this, by the way, made just as much sense to us, as it does to you). A young and infamous reporter, the late; Maddy Hitt finally, successfully made the old man cave in. It is said Mr. Hitt nailed him when he offered the old drunkard a bottle of the finest Scotch he’d ever heard about. Shortly after that, Hitt published a story about Absurd in a regional newspaper. It caught the eye of many neurotic and blasphemous readers, who attempted, unsuccessfully however; to track Absurd down. They proved to be too late, since Absurd had disappeared years earlier. The commoner’s vocabulary was rather limited, and the hard liquor had inflicted a serious speech impediment on his part. Nevertheless Mr Hitt should be complimented on constructing a fairly readable and seemingly accurate (plausible) account of Absurd’s life. Absurd lived in a small village, where everybody knew each other, and everybody knew Absurd. As he grew up, he stopped going to school and started spending the money he had inherited from his dead family. His father had been a respected businessman, with enough wealth for Absurd to live two lifetimes on, which he intended to take full advantage off… Years passed and the people in the village barely saw any of Absurd. After years of seclusion he decided to grace the poverty stricken public with his presence from time to time. Dressed in ridiculous and eccentric costumes, sneering ridiculous insults to anyone who possessed the right kind of ears capable enough to capture his high pitched voice and make some goddamn sense out of it. He committed rather unsuitable behavior and other such debaucheries in nearly all public areas we could imagine. He got arrested numerous times, but bailed himself out, or rather bribed himself out on each occasion. Officers claimed to feel kind of sad for this rather pathetic lump of flesh they considered far from human. The police report states that he had carved up his own face and blinded himself with a blowtorch experiment involving; a blowtorch, a desert rat and at least three different kinds of high powered hallucinogenics. [We can only stand in horror of other items or animals that might have been included in his experiment, but that might have police officer might consider too unethical to include...] Many Absurd sightings were reported, and the most recent one is said to be in 1959, although that would have almost certainly meant he would have been an old and cripple man. To celebrate his last sighting, legacy and to ensure we remember where we got that beautiful phrase; Absurdism from. We here at ILOVEFAKE, have decided to dedicate a whole issue to the good Doctor, and his nearly forgotten lifestyle. When an unknown reporter asked a barstool attendant, in a shady pub just out of Absurd’s hometown, what he thought off Absurd’s rather impulsive disappearance, he replied: ”Well. You know… That’s just Absurd.”